Faded Gray Lines Read online

  Leighton’s hand flew to her neck, grasping the gold “L” pendant she always wore and rolling it between her fingers. “She just meant my knack for challenging her in public. You know how she loves that.”

  She was lying. Ever since she was eighteen, she’d rubbed that pendent when she was hiding something. It’d been a gift from her father, so the act seemed like a silent apology to his memory.

  I warned her once that I knew her better than anyone. I guess she forgot that. However, I let it go because there were too many other questions I had about tonight. That necklace was about to get one hell of a workout.

  “Who was that man you were talking to? The one with the gray hair and bad suit. Why did he make you so tense?”

  “He was just a campaign donor. There were hundreds of them there in bad suits making me tense.” Holding her pendant still, she smirked. “Couldn’t you see that from your perch behind the pole?”

  “Nice try, but I don’t buy that for a second. However, I’ll humor you and move on. What’s this shit between you and your stepfather? Don’t tell me you were just tense because that wasn’t tension on your face, little lamb. That was terror.”

  Fighting a reaction, she released her necklace and scrubbed her hands down her face. “Matty, I’m tired. This whole night has been more than I can handle. Everything about it reminded me why I ran away the night we met. Being there was like stepping into a time machine. I became a little girl again—the one petrified of everything and unable to stand up for herself. The thing is, that little girl grew up, and tonight I realized nothing’s changed.”

  The weakness in her voice unnerved me. It drew me to her until I found myself cradling her cheek. “You’re wrong. Can’t you see how strong you are now? Look at what you’ve survived since coming back here.”

  Her blank stare looked hollow, as if the weight of the world had finally crushed her. “Just promise to never make me go back there again. I can’t do it.”

  We stood in silence. I still deserved to know what happened tonight, and she would still answer for her calls to the number on Luis’s phone, but it could wait. My desire for her was stronger than my suspicions. She needed me whether she’d admit it or not, and I craved her like air.

  No, I hungered for her. The beast in me clawed and gnashed to be released, and in that dress, I had no hope of containing him. If I couldn’t coax the truth from her then I’d fuck it out of her.

  “I hate this fucking dress,” I growled, digging my fingers into the top of her strapless dress and tugging her against me. “Take it off.”

  She just blinked at me—testing my limits.

  “Take it off, or I’ll take it off for you,” I warned.

  She still didn’t move, so I grabbed her by the shoulders and flipped her around. Gripping the top of the zipper in two hands, I jerked hard and ripped it in two. My violent appetite for her intensified, my balls tightening as blood rushed to my groin. Tonight would be rough. All the secrets she kept bottled up summoned a darker side of me demanding to be appeased. I’d never hurt her, but I needed an outlet and her tight pussy was the perfect source.

  Just as I pushed the tattered dress off her shoulders, my phone rang. I ignored it, her shallow little gasps spurring me on and feeding the animal in me.

  “Mateo...” She groaned as I wrapped my arms around her and twisted her nipples between my fingers.

  The incessant ringing eventually stopped, then immediately started again. The beast took over, lashing out one last time. Sliding a hand up her throat, I gave it a slight squeeze and pinched her nipple hard enough to elicit a gasp.

  “Un momento, por favor,” I whispered. Releasing her, I jerked my phone out of my pocket and growled into the mouthpiece, “Not now, Reyes.”

  “Why the hell was my new waitress on the news tonight talking to a fucking DEA agent?” he yelled in Spanish. “Start talking, Cortes, and don’t lie to me because I know she’s serviced your dick more than my customers.”

  Pulling the phone away from my ear, I turned Leighton’s chin over her shoulder and slammed my lips against hers. “I’ll be right back. Don’t fucking move.”

  I stepped outside onto the deck and closed the glass door behind me. I had no idea what the hell Emilio was talking about, but my blood thrummed with rage at the thought that she’d lied to me again.

  “I’ve got this under control,” I said, a deadly calm overtaking my voice.

  Emilio laughed. “You’ve got shit under control. She’s parading around with our enemy, and you’re just watching. I’ve been dealing with this situation, and it was being handled until you and your bitch showed up and turned it all to shit.”

  “What do you mean you’ve been dealing with it? Nothing’s been run by Val.”

  “I don’t answer to anyone in my city. I shed Carrera blood while you were still in diapers. As for Agent Alex Atwood? I’ve been tailing that son of a bitch for months trying to sever his connection with your boy Brody’s stepdaddy. I don’t need the feds dipping their dicks in my political pussies.”

  The irony of his choice of wording didn’t escape me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he meant them literally. Was Emilio trying to hide his indiscretions with the mayor from the watchful eye of the DEA, or was all this stemming from some fucked up territorial claim on the woman herself?

  The question needed answering, but during his tirade he presented one way more dangerous.

  Emilio had never once mentioned being in contact with the DEA. All dealings with political figures from councilmen to congressmen were dictated by Val. He’d just tipped his hand, unknowingly giving me proof of his disloyalty.

  Fucking the mayor was one thing. Fucking our cartel was his endgame.

  I fisted my hand, my knuckles cracking in protest. I wanted to hit something, but the only thing in front of me was the glass door. While a little blood didn’t bother me, it could scare Leighton enough to send her straight to the police.

  So, instead of causing destruction, I invited it. “I said I’ve got it.”

  “What is it with you and my waitress?” he asked. The question didn’t irritate me as much as his underlying arrogance. “Fuck me, why can’t you cocksuckers keep your dicks out of my employees? First Val, now you? I’m not running a damn whorehouse, you know.” Letting out what I knew to be a chest full of cigar smoke, he cursed under his breath. “You’re turning out as pussy whipped as our boss.”

  “Emilio?” I said, squeezing my phone so hard it cracked.

  “Yeah?”

  “Do yourself a favor and never say that again.”

  His voice dipped low. “Are you fucking challenging me?”

  “Are you fucking Mayor Donovan?” I wanted to confront him face-to-face, but anger pushed me over the edge.

  He chuckled. “Did Harcourt’s sister tell you that? After all we’ve been through, are you gonna take my word over some bitch who’s trying to save her own ass from twenty to life?” Anticipating my outburst, he quickly cut me off. “Yeah, I heard about what she did to Luis. You all think I’m stupid, but you underestimate me.”

  “I outrank you, Reyes. Watch your mouth.”

  “And you’ll never let me forget it, will you?” he seethed. “That dirty street rat who hung on my every word got cherry picked and stepped on my face as he pushed me down the ladder. Just remember you’d have none of this if you’d run away with her. She did you a favor by leaving town and now look at you. Are you a man or a lapdog?”

  I exploded, slamming the phone against the side of the townhouse. I could hear him laughing which fueled my fight as I brought it back to my ear. “You don’t know anything about her or what we had...” I stopped, his words connecting in my head. “Wait, how do you know about our past? I never said anything.”

  “Don’t act so smug,” he said while puffing on his cigar. “You should know by now you can’t hide secrets within a cartel. Eventually, someone’s gonna talk. Especially when it concerns the first daughter of Houston.”


  “You’re lying.”

  “Think so?” He indulged a dramatic pause before adding, “Why don’t you ask your little girlfriend how many fucks Mommy gave when Daddy tucked her in a little too long at night.”

  The weight of a thousand fists crashed into my chest as a tortured memory claimed me.

  May – Four Years Ago

  I’d been waiting at our spot for over an hour, pacing the patch of grass next to the train tracks until there was nothing left but dirt. She was late. She was never late. Irrational fears ran through my head.

  I’d kill anyone who hurt her, but first I’d cut their heart out.

  Just as I headed toward my car to look for her, I heard the hard crunch of gravel and a car door slam. I glanced over my shoulder to see her running toward me, her long blonde ponytail disheveled and black streaks of mascara running down her face.

  “Star, where the hell have you been? I’ve almost lost my mind waiting for you. I—” The rest of my tirade cut off as she threw herself into my arms, clinging to me as if I’d disappear.

  “Leave with me, Matty,” she choked out, burying her face in my neck.

  “Leave? You just got here.”

  “No,” she sniffled, shaking her head. “I mean leave Houston. I don’t care where we go, just please take me away from here.”

  My heart shattered as I pulled her off me and set her on her feet. “You know I can’t do that.”

  Tears spilled from her beautiful brown eyes. “Do you love me?”

  “What kind of question is that? You know I love you more than anything.”

  “If you love me, you’ll leave with me.” Cupping her hands over her nose and mouth, she closed her swollen eyes. “Please, Matty, I’m begging you. I can’t stay here. You promised you’d never hurt me. I need that to be true.”

  Her pleas broke me. What she asked was suicidal, but I’d risk anything for her.

  Even death.

  Taking her face in my hands, I pulled her against me and kissed her forehead. “Okay, mi amor, calm down. I’ll have to make arrangements first so meet me back here tomorrow night.”

  She lifted her chin and bit her bottom lip, a small cut in the middle opening up and blooming red. “Do you promise? I need to believe in something, Matty.”

  I kissed her again. “Believe in us, Star. Believe in me. Tomorrow we’ll leave this place behind, and it’ll be you and me against the world.”

  Present Day

  But it wasn’t. She faced the world alone while I rotted behind steel bars.

  Blowing out a frustrated breath, I opened the door to find her pacing like a caged lion, holding her ripped dress together like a shield. I’d barely taken a step into the townhouse when she froze mid-stride and raised her chin, her matted blonde hair stuck to her cheeks. The primal ache from earlier subsided as the sad young girl I once knew gazed up at me with widened eyes. The earlier tepidness was gone and a flicker of something brand new lit behind the familiar flatness.

  “We have to talk.” Closing the door behind me, I avoided her stare as I dropped my phone on a side table.

  “He told you I’m hiding something, didn’t he?”

  Although every emotion I had was tied up in fucking knots, a slight smirk still tugged at the corner of my mouth. In one five-minute phone call, my dimming star had exploded. I just wasn’t sure if her explosion would light up the sky or incinerate everyone around her.

  With what I’d just learned, my money was on the latter.

  “Why do you assume he’d say that?”

  “Why not? Every man in my life has betrayed me.”

  Pissed off at being included in that group, I turned. “I’ve never betrayed you.”

  I hadn’t. Although I’d done a hell of a lot of immoral and evil things, I’d never once betrayed her. I couldn’t. Hell, she may have been the only person in my whole life who’d looked past the sicario and seen the man behind the gun.

  “Are you sure about that, Matty?” She stared at me without blinking. It was as if she were afraid the moment she closed her eyes my mask would slip.

  “Are you, Star?” My counter hit a nerve. Her battle-ready stance shifted, and her whole demeanor changed. Shoulders that moments earlier had tensed and drawn upward sagged and she finally blinked. A few seconds of silence stretched into a minute. Then another minute. Then another. Leighton and I weren’t compatible in any way that counted, but I loathed the silence between us. Emilio’s words had rattled me, but I was more concerned with reaching behind the wall she’d just fallen over and pulling her back.

  It wasn’t because she needed me. I could pump myself full of all the chivalrous, white-knight bullshit I wanted, but that wasn’t my style. Growing up cartel had made me a realist, and a realist always knew who he was and the reasons behind his actions. At my very core, I was a selfish son of a bitch who needed her more than she needed me.

  I also needed answers—ones she probably never intended on giving, but I was past the point of giving a shit. Wondering had robbed me of four years of sleep, but I now wasn’t sure I was prepared to hear the truth. Not only because I didn’t want my suspicions validated, but I feared the monster she would unleash by doing so.

  “Why did you ask me to run away with you that night?”

  Holding her dress with one hand, Leighton shifted away from me. “I told you already. I needed to get away from home.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “For God’s sake, I just couldn’t take it anymore!”

  For the second time in less than five minutes, we stared at each other in silence. I fucking hated it. I was a Carrera. I demanded respect, but the blank look in her eyes, and a past I’d never been able to let go of afforded her a courtesy anyone else would’ve taken a fist for.

  My patience.

  “Leighton…” I moved toward her cautiously as if she were a caged animal. “What happened to you in that house? What haven’t you told me?”

  For a moment, the slight quiver of her lip and dampness pooling in the corner of her eyes made me think I’d finally get the truth out of her. As much as I didn’t want Emilio’s words validated, I needed her confession or her denial. Even after everything I’d learned about her, time had done nothing to tame my need to protect her.

  Depending on her answer, a man would die tonight. Slowly, painfully, and with the mercy of a thousand demons.

  Leighton’s honey-brown eyes darkened as horrors replayed behind them I couldn’t see. She shook her head, her lashes fluttering closed and her hands fisting by her sides. I counted the seconds until she finally opened them.

  Six.

  Six seconds for her to one-eighty on me again. Whatever rage had just swelled inside her was gone, leaving a forced smile plastered across her face.

  Naïve girl. She knew my identity now, but apparently not the man I’d become. A Carrera never left a debt unpaid, especially one owed in blood. However, I’d let her have her false peace.

  For tonight.

  She moved toward me. “You asked me to trust you. Trust me when I say you don’t want to know.”

  I grabbed her wrist and held it between us. “Trust is dangerous.” Before lust got the better of me, I loosened my grip and walked away.

  “You trust Brody,” she called after me. “You’ve let him inside your precious circle.”

  My laughter wasn’t from amusement. “And it’s almost gotten him killed twice. This isn’t a game, Leighton. This is real life with real guns and real death. I’m not a hero. We’re just villains. We do bad things and don’t give a shit if people get hurt. Is that what you want?”

  I waited—for what, I wasn’t sure. A smack across the face? The slam of the door as she walked out of it? Either would’ve been justified.

  She did neither. She stood her ground.

  “We don’t have a choice,” she said, wringing her hands.

  We? What the hell did she mean, we?

  I had her face in my hands before I realized I�
��d moved. “Everybody has a choice, little lamb. Making it is the easy part. Accepting it is what gets people killed.”

  A tear escaped the tightly locked fortress of her eye and slipped down the back of my hand. “But you’re still alive.”

  It wasn’t as much of a statement as a challenge.

  “I accepted my choice a long time ago,” I said, answering with a cold detachment needed to make her understand. “You don’t retire from my world—you expire from it. Usually at the hands of your worst enemy or your best friend.”

  “Doesn’t sound like much of a life.”

  “Says the girl hiding out in a cartel safe house with a drug runner.”

  She nodded, a breathy chuckle blowing over my knuckles. “Point taken.”

  Biting her lip, she glanced down to where the pads of my fingers still pressed into her face. Not hard enough to hurt her, though. As much as a killer’s soul pumped through my veins, so did she.

  But she didn’t belong in a killer’s world.

  Letting go, I stalked to the window and stared out at the deserted street below. When I managed to reclaim a sense of clarity, I braced myself for what had to be done. It crippled me to hurt her but allowing someone as fragile as her into my world would cripple us both.

  “I asked you why you really wanted to run away with me for a reason, Leighton, and, God help me, I think I have my answer. I’ll rectify what’s been wronged, but everything has changed. If I hadn’t gotten arrested, I would’ve turned my back on all I knew for you, but it would’ve been a mistake.” Holding onto the window frame, I glanced over my shoulder and held her stare. “You did us both a favor by leaving.”

  Twenty-Six

  Leighton

  Mateo’s admission was like a punch in the stomach. “How can you say that?”

  I didn’t want to believe it. Although I’d held onto years of anger at being abandoned, some part of me still held out hope that somewhere he regretted walking away. I imagined the two of us meeting again—maybe by chance, maybe by fate, but always with an apology.